In January 2012, I started sitting down at the end of every month and reviewing my journey of the last 30-some days. I wanted to know if there were patterns of behavior that I could observe, and possibly change. I wanted to see how I had grown. I wanted to give some kind of meaning to the weaving of my days.
I’m sharing these monthly reviews on my biographical website so that people who are curious about me, and may be searching for information on me, can get a sense of what I value, and how I spend my time.
Note: These blog posts are filled with many hyperlinks, including links to products such as books on Amazon.com. None of the links are affiliate links, so if you feel like buying anything I recommend, you can trust that I won’t make any money from the sale. I’m recommending them because I’ve truly enjoyed or gotten a lot of value from them.
In January 2012, I started sitting down at the end of every month and reviewing my journey of the last 30-some days. I wanted to know if there were patterns of behavior that I could observe, and possibly change. I wanted to see how I had grown. I wanted to give some kind of meaning to the weaving of my days.
I’m sharing these monthly reviews on my biographical website so that people who are curious about me, and may be searching for information on me, can get a sense of what I value, and how I spend my time.
Note: This blog post is filled with many hyperlinks, including links to products such as books on Amazon.com. None of the links are affiliate links, so if you feel like buying anything I recommend, you can trust that I won’t make any money from the sale. I’m recommending them because I’ve truly enjoyed or gotten a lot of value from them.
My favorite thing this month
The coming of autumn.
My least favorite thing this month
My seemingly endless struggle with food addiction.
Theme for the month
Gluttony vs. austerity.
What was alive in me?
I continued to swing between two extremes in September: addiction and pain on the one hand, and health and hope on the other. In an effort to get my overeating under control, I started photographing everything I ate, and posting it on one of my Tumblr blogs. As you can see if you visit the blog, however, I stopped posting on September 18 when I ran out of space for new photographs on my iPhone. I had to wait a few days before I could sync the phone and remove enough apps and music to free up some disk space, and I took the temporary vacation from photographing my food to start bingeing again. (Surprise, surprise.)
For most of the month I also stopped any regular exercise or yoga, and my sleep patterns were really horrorshow. I would stay up late into the night, or wake up in the middle of the night and not be able to get back to sleep, as my mind spun out endless loops of ideas and plans and scenarios for my days. Things were going really well with my job, but my personal life felt like a bit of a shambles as my ill loved one went through a particularly low patch.
This ongoing struggle with my disordered eating (as well as my concurrent struggle with Internet addiction) has been particularly disheartening. Each month it feels like two steps forward, five steps back… and while I have increasing moments of clarity and compassion for myself, I’ve also despaired of ever overcoming either.
I ended the month with a nasty bout of food poisoning, and I took the opportunity to let my body cleanse itself of all the junk I’d been eating, and start October with a clean slate once again. I also had some powerful dreams as I lay feverish in bed, and they’ve helped me better understand the two opposing forces that are battling it out in my psyche.
Next steps
I’m going to see where the clean slate takes me. No more photographing my food… but a recent decision to put myself on a stricter financial budget has made me take a closer look at all the money I’m spending on junk food, and strengthened my resolve to spend my resources in ways that build health, not sickness.
Books that have stayed with me
A dear friend began culling her library in September, and let me browse through the books she was letting go of, taking any that appealed to me. One of my favorites has been Change Your Aura, Change Your Life: A Step-by-Step Guide to Unfolding Your Spiritual Power by Barbara Y. Martin and Dimitri Moraitis. Part of me wants to distance myself from any kind of woo-woo belief in auras and energy fields, but I also know from experience how powerful visualization can be, so I content myself with not understanding how it all works or whether it’s all true, and just focus on visualizing a stronger, healthier spirit. All I know is, I feel really good when I read the book and do the meditations. Works for me.
Videos that have stayed with me
Have I mentioned that I’m an Internet junkie? And I love audition clips from shows like X Factor? A new season has started, and here are my favorite (and much-watched) auditions so far… (Some of these are actually from X Factor UK or Australia – I love them all.)
Jason Brock has such a huge spirit, he makes me smile whenever I watch this:
Carly Rose Sonenclar is only 13 years old, but has the voice of a seasoned performer. She’s incredible:
I’ve been so taken with Carly that I’ve found her personal channel and have been watching gems like this one:
From X Factor UK, Ella Henderson is 16 and stuns the audience with her performance of an original song:
Here’s Ella again, singing Cher’s Believe with naked honesty.
And from Australia, here’s 14-year-old Shiane Hawke rocking the house with Duffy’s Mercy:
In January 2012, I started sitting down at the end of every month and reviewing my journey of the last 30-some days. I wanted to know if there were patterns of behavior that I could observe, and possibly change. I wanted to see how I had grown. I wanted to give some kind of meaning to the weaving of my days.
I’m sharing these monthly reviews on my biographical website so that people who are curious about me, and may be searching for information on me, can get a sense of what I value, and how I spend my time.
Note: This blog post is filled with many hyperlinks, including links to products such as books on Amazon.com. None of the links are affiliate links, so if you feel like buying anything I recommend, you can trust that I won’t make any money from the sale. I’m recommending them because I’ve truly enjoyed or gotten a lot of value from them.
My favorite thing this month
The summer weather of August: warmth, without humidity.
My least favorite thing this month
My food addiction.
Theme for the month
Through the Looking Glass: everything feeling backwards, sideways, bigger or smaller than I remember it; confusion, mental vertigo.
What was alive in me?
As with July, August was a really challenging month for me in many ways. I ate way more junk that I wanted to. (I didn’t want to eat any.) In fact – if I’m truly honest – my eating was out of control. My ill loved one is still really ill. I have incredibly noisy neighbours who interrupt my sleep on a near-nightly basis, and set my teeth on edge. My physical diseases still cause me chronic pain.
And yet… August was a beautiful month in my part of the world, weather-wise. Warm but not too hot. Not humid. Cool nights. Beautiful sunset walks. Hikes in the woods, and by the river. Hours spent in reflection on a serene porch.
I’d been searching for a tribe of people who love the things that I love, and talk about the things that I want to talk about. Thanks to a chance conversation on Google+, I was invited to join just such a group, and feel like I’ve come home to some kindred spirits. This has been my most soul-sustaining activity this month.
My dreams and my intuitions were telling me to cut back on my blogging workload, so I stopped blogging regularly. I rested. I did random stuff, just for me. I was lazy. I wasted time. I puttered. I daydreamed.
Next steps
I want to get a handle on my eating again. I’ve decided to try a food awareness technique that I used last fall with excellent results – I’m going to photograph everything I eat, and post it here on one of my Tumblr blogs. Last year this really helped shift my eating in a healthy way, so I’m hoping for similar results this time.
Books that have stayed with me
I bought a bunch of writing books this month, and a few business books for work, but nothing that I’ve finished yet, or want to talk about.
Movies that have stayed with me
I watched a few new (to me) films on Netflix this month, including Eat Pray Love (Julia Roberts was so brilliant in this role, she moved me to tears several times), a charming French movie called Could This Be Love? (Je croix que je t’aime) and a 1951 Cary Grant weepy, People Will Talk, that totally captured my imagination for weeks.
But my favorite was a documentary about the man who was the inspiration for the title character in The Horse Whisperer. Buck is one of those films that will stay with me forever.
Videos that have stayed with me
Most of the videos I’ve been watching have been clips of performances from this season’s So You Think You Can Dance. But right at the end of the month I found some random videos of an Asian jazz singer named Ann Sally. I’m totally entranced with her voice…
In January 2012, I started sitting down at the end of every month and reviewing my journey of the last 30-some days. I wanted to know if there were patterns of behavior that I could observe, and possibly change. I wanted to see how I had grown. I wanted to give some kind of meaning to the weaving of my days.
I’m sharing these monthly reviews on my biographical website so that people who are curious about me, and may be searching for information on me, can get a sense of what I value, and how I spend my time.
Note: This blog post is filled with many hyperlinks, including links to products such as books on Amazon.com. None of the links are affiliate links, so if you feel like buying anything I recommend, you can trust that I won’t make any money from the sale. I’m recommending them because I’ve truly enjoyed or gotten a lot of value from them.
My favorite thing this month
Chocolate.
My least favorite thing this month
Chocolate.
Theme for the month
Inner battles. Big time. Mammoth, gargantuan, mother-whupping inner battles. (Involving chocolate, among other things.)
What was alive in me?
I’m late writing my update this month. I’ve been putting it off, partly because of the aforementioned battles, partly because I haven’t been sure what to say. My brain is soggy and sticky, as if it’s been flooded with syrup. I’m not even sure how I feel, apart from the mild migraine that’s tapping at the back of my skull.
On many levels, this month has felt like a failure. I mentioned at the end of June that I wanted to reduce my carb intake. That didn’t happen. I wanted to do a lot of work on the book that I’m working on. That didn’t happen either. I’ve struggled with a sick cat and a sick car. I’ve been sick myself. (And eaten too much chocolate.)
Thankfully, I also found some inspiring books this month to help keep me afloat (see below.)
Books that have stayed with me
A friend casually loaned me a copy of Byron Katie's Loving What Is earlier in July. Katie uses a process of inquiry that strips our beliefs and thoughts of their poisonous stranglehold over our lives, leaving a way clear for lighter, more joyous passage. I can’t recommend her work enough (I’ve also purchased this book of hers.)
Movies that have stayed with me
I only watched a couple of new movies in July. The first was a sweet French romantic comedy called Could This Be Love? (Je crois que je l’aime). I do love French movies.
In January 2012, I started sitting down at the end of every month and reviewing my journey of the last 30-some days. I wanted to know if there were patterns of behavior that I could observe, and possibly change. I wanted to see how I had grown. I wanted to give some kind of meaning to the weaving of my days.
I’m sharing these monthly reviews on my biographical website so that people who are curious about me, and may be searching for information on me, can get a sense of what I value, and how I spend my time.
Note: This blog post is filled with many hyperlinks, including links to products such as books on Amazon.com. None of the links are affiliate links, so if you feel like buying anything I recommend, you can trust that I won’t make any money from the sale. I’m recommending them because I’ve truly enjoyed or gotten a lot of value from them.
My favorite thing this month
Heat.
My least favorite thing this month
Heat.
Theme for the month
Paradox.
What was alive in me?
I get so excited every June – I love the lengthening days leading up to the first of summer. This northern gal cherishes long, warm, sunny days – and June 2012 was lush with them. Some may have been a little too warm… but I can’t complain.
June was also a time for tending to the earth, as I weeded and harvested the earliest fruits from my parents’ garden. Don’t be fooled, though – most of the vegetables won’t be ready until later in the summer. But I do love eating these nutritious weeds that I pull up every week.
My physical well-being continued to improve, thanks to ongoing adjustments to my routine, diet, and exercise. I’m having fewer and fewer days of endometriosis pain per month, and I’m hoping that the most recent changes to my diet (see June experiments, below) will lead to even more wellness.
In June, I have to admit, I became a Pinterest convert. I’m such a visual person, this site makes so much sense to me. Unfortunately it’s also very addictive – I have to consciously limit the time I spend there every day, updating my pinboards. (That’s a selection of images from my “Flower” board, at the beginning of this post.) Why do I love Pinterest so much? As I’ve developed more and more of my boards, I think it’s just that I love seeing all my favorite visual things, all in one place. Strange as it may sound, my pinboards feel like a real expression of who I am. I’m also hoping to create more of my own content formatted especially for Pinterest, such as this recipe graphic.
Besides the longer days, June also means So You Think You Can Dance. I’ve been watching all the audition episodes online, and as the month comes to a close, the top 20 dancers have been chosen, and will begin their live performances in July. I don’t know what it is, but watching these wonderful dancers makes me feel so happy. It’s amazing to realize what the human body can do, and express. Watching this show makes me want to dance. I love it.
Finally, I hadn’t planned on it, but I ended up spending the entire month writing about the theme of ritual on my lifestyle blog, Kitchen Sink Wisdom. I have to say, I am completely enraptured by this topic.
Here’s a peek into my creative process: I sit down to write every morning, planning out my blog posts for the next few days. I try to write one (or sometimes two or three) days ahead, so that I have time to edit and proofread before scheduling each post. While I sometimes have several days’ worth of posts mapped out, I usually just allow my topics to bubble up spontaneously from my unconscious. I believe they actually come from someplace other than me. And in June, what’s been bubbling up are all these snippets about ritual. I realized part-way through the month that there’s a book there, waiting to be written. I’ve already mapped out its structure, which will be inspired by these blog posts, but with new content. If you’re interested in reading the work in progress, which I’ve decided to make available to those who’d like to see it, just email me, and I’ll give you access to the Google Doc where I’m writing my first draft.
I’ve also been working on another writing project that I feel too shy to share yet, but all of this, combined with the regular posts to my personal and creativity blogs, has really underscored for me how passionate I am right now about writing. I would love to be taking more photographs and making more visual art, but all I want to do is write… and it’s awesome.
June experiments
As I mentioned above, I’ve been tweaking my diet and lifestyle some more. In June I decided to try reducing my carbs as much as I can, which has meant cutting out all fruit except berries, and eating those only a few times per week. I’ve also (as of the end of the month) added organic, free range eggs back into my diet, because I was worried that my protein intake wasn’t high enough to keep my body from cannibalizing my lean muscle tissue. It’s been hell going through “low-carb flu” the last couple of weeks, but I think I’ve turned a corner, and otherwise I feel amazing in my body, these days.
I continue to try and fit a couple of short walks into my day; at lunchtime I walk for 10-15 minutes, and then again after work. I also try and fit functional exercise into my life whenever I can – taking the stairs every chance I get, lifting and carrying heavy things like groceries, and supplies at work. For me, the consistency is what makes it an easy habit. Otherwise I spend my entire day at a computer, and you know that’s not good.
Next steps…
July and August are probably going to be HOT in my corner of the world. I’ve already summer-ized my apartment, and I may make some changes to my routine in order to accommodate my body’s response to the heat. We’ll see how it goes.
Books that have stayed with me
I have been downloading a ton of books lately, most of them for work. But below are two of my favorite recent “pleasure” purchases.
Turning Pro by Steven Pressfield. I downloaded the e-book THE DAY IT WENT ON SALE, because I love this man’s nonfiction work on the practice of writing, and I was excited to hear what else he had to say about the subject. I was not disappointed. I was also amazed that Pressfield mentioned ritual and archetypal energya lot in Turning Pro. The content had an unexpected and delightful synchronicity with my Kitchen Sink Wisdom posts on the subject of ritual. Anyhow, if you are a creator, you should buy this book. It will inspire and strengthen you. Truly.
Below, Pressfield discusses why he isn’t giving interviews to publicize the book.
The Wisdom of Menopause by Christiane Northrup. I lovedWomen’s Bodies, Women’s Wisdom when I read it 15 years ago, and I always knew I would seek out Northrup’s book on menopause when the time came. Well, I think the time is coming. So I bought the book, and have started reading it before I go to bed at night. (It’s insanely long, and will probably take me a while to finish.) I’ve had so many hormonal problems over the years, it would be surprising if I made it through menopause unscathed, but I’m hoping that all the changes I’ve been making to help my endo symptoms and improve my health will be transferable in this area. And I’m really enjoying Northrup’s wisdom.
Movies that have stayed with me
I recently watched a couple of documentaries that I really enjoyed. The first, The Greatest Movie Ever Sold by Morgan Spurlock, really got me thinking about what it means to “sell out.” It has also made me wonder how much I would do for money rather than artistic integrity. I hope the answer is, “not too much.”
A few nights ago I finished Every Little Step, a documentary about the casting of a contemporary revival of A Chorus Line. I was fascinated to learn about the background behind the original musical, and to get a look into the creative process of its director and choreographer, Michael Bennett. I’ve also been thinking a lot about the differences between performing artists and solitary creators like writers and visual artists. Sometimes I feel so lucky that I’m not dependent on a director “choosing” me for a role. I get to do what I love to do, regardless of whether or not I have an audience.
Videos that have stayed with me
A dear friend of mine shared this video – author Elizabeth Gilbert's Ted Talk – with me in June. I’d seen the lecture a couple of years ago, and enjoyed it then, but this time around (as I’m getting more and more committed to my creative work), it was especially meaningful. I like Gilbert’s premise – that we aren’t geniuses, but merely have geniuses, or creative muses, who channel the work to us. That’s certainly how it feels to me.
In January 2012, I started sitting down at the end of every month and reviewing my journey of the last 30-some days. I wanted to know if there were patterns of behavior that I could observe, and possibly change. I wanted to see how I had grown. I wanted to give some kind of meaning to the weaving of my days.
I’m sharing these monthly reviews on my biographical website so that people who are curious about me, and may be searching for information on me, can get a sense of what I value, and how I spend my time.
Note: This blog post is filled with many hyperlinks, including links to products such as books on Amazon.com. None of the links are affiliate links, so if you feel like buying anything I recommend, you can trust that I won’t make any money from the sale. I’m recommending them because I’ve truly enjoyed or gotten a lot of value from them.
My favorite thing this month
Becoming aware of the water-and-rock phenomenon. That is – noticing how tiny actions, over time, can add up to profound change.
Theme for the month
Mindfulness.
What was alive in me?
Physically, this was my best month so far this year. My endometriosis symptoms, which can often be quite severe, were really manageable. Emotionally, the month was a bit of a mixed bag. Some really low lows, and some blissful highs. Overall, though, I feel like all of the positive little habits that I’m cultivating and nurturing are beginning to bear fruit.
May experiments
In May I’ve continued with the morning writing schedule that I started in April. It seems to be working well for me – helping to keep me from feeling burned out by my extracurricular writing. (I already spend much of my paid workdays stringing words together.)
I’ve also been consistent about going to bed early, sleeping through the night, getting up by 5:30 a.m., and doing a regular yoga and meditation practice. LOVING the place I’m at with my yoga right now. Maybe it’s just the hot weather (I find it difficult to do yoga when I’m cold), but it feels so good to be in my body these days. For a few years I’ve been really struggling with my forward bends in yoga, and over the last month I’ve seen some huge physical shifts. Exciting.
On the food front, I cut out all sweet fruit in May. I’m still eating berries (and the very (very) occasional date) in small amounts, but that’s it. The thinking behind this was that the fructose in the sweet fruit I was eating (and I was eating A LOT of fruit – like dozens and dozens of pieces of fruit per week) might help reduce the inflammation that’s part of my monthly cycle of endometriosis symptoms. I’m also cutting way back on the amount of nuts that I’m eating.
I haven’t really mentioned it before, but one of the big side effects of all my dietary changes has been a significant improvement in my IBS symptoms. It feels amazing to have very little bloating and intestinal cramping anymore. Like, AMAZING.
Finally, not so much an experiment, but a new awareness… I’ve been spending more and more of my time in the present moment lately. This has really helped some of my addictive tendencies, which usually show up as Internet addiction (spending way too much time online once I turn on my computer) and occasional overeating. For now, awareness is enough. If I can, I try to delay the addictive behavior by at least a few minutes. Or set time limits on my Internet use… or check in with myself occasionally, to see what I’m actually needing. Baby steps.
Next steps…
Accumulating more useful tools for highly sensitive people. (I’ve been doing a lot of reading on this topic lately – see Books that have stayed with me, below.)
Creative projects
I write for my three active blogs – Kitchen Sink Wisdom, Mirificationis, and my personal blog, emelgy.com – every weekday morning before I leave for my day job. (I spend my evenings on “fun stuff” – open-ended projects, exploration of new ideas, reading, and relaxation.) I’ve been thinking a lot about ritual for Kitchen Sink Wisdom, and will probably be tying up that subject in early June. In May I also did a bit of digital housecleaning and deleted seven old blogs that I hadn’t worked on for years. It feels good to be untethering from stuff like that.
A new project this month (that admittedly feels a bit like a frivolous diversion) is my Pinterest account. I wish I could explain what I find so compelling about Pinterest. I think part of it has to do with how beautifully designed the layout of the site is. The other part is the thrill of seeing my collections of visual inspiration all in one spot. (I’m a really visual person.) That, and finding new stuff to add to my pinboards. Like these rooms that I could live in… or these places I want to be right now… (sigh)
May playlist
I’ve been listening to only one thing all month: Crystal Bowls and Chakra Chants. It makes me feel so calm; I play it every morning while I do yoga, and again in the evening as I decompress after work, preparing my supper.
Movies that have stayed with me
I fell in love with these two French films in May. I also finally found an online site that is streaming Dancing in the Flames, a documentary about the work of Jungian analyst Marion Woodman, that I’ve been wanting to see for a couple of years. Highly recommended.
In January 2012, I started sitting down at the end of every month and reviewing my journey of the last 30-some days. I wanted to know if there were patterns of behavior that I could observe, and possibly change. I wanted to see how I had grown. I wanted to give some kind of meaning to the weaving of my days.
I’m sharing these monthly reviews on my biographical website so that people who are curious about me, and may be searching for information on me, can get a sense of what I value, and how I spend my time.
Note: This blog post is filled with many hyperlinks, including links to products such as books on Amazon.com. None of the links are affiliate links, so if you feel like buying anything I recommend, you can trust that I won’t make any money from the sale. I’m recommending them because I’ve truly enjoyed or gotten a lot of value from them.
My favorite thing this month
Green leaves. Like these, and these, and these, and these.
Theme for the month
Injury and healing.
What was alive in me?
For a lot of reasons, April was a tender, vulnerable, raw, physically painful and uncertain month. As with March, I really struggled many days. But in addition to all the aforementioned yucky stuff, I also experienced many more moments of hope, mindfulness, awareness, presence, stillness, calm, peace and regeneration. By the end of the month I’d decided that I needed to change my writing routine, and began experimenting with a new schedule that allowed my body plenty of rest every day.
April experiments
I continued to publish daily to my personal blog, Kitchen Sink Wisdom, and Mirificationis throughout April. Cowbird.com got the short end of the stick, though. On the physical front, I tried to add more walking to each workday, going out for 15-20 minutes each lunch hour, and for another 15-20 minutes after I got home from work. I also spent the month transitioning away from eating fruit, to see if the reduced fructose would help my endo pain.
Next steps…
May is going to be all about pulling the plug on my self-destructive habits of workaholism and Internet addiction (hence the photo at the beginning of this post). A lot of the pain I went through during April could have been avoided if I’d been more attentive to these issues sooner. So I’m going to make more time for mindful rest, presence, and regeneration. Or, to use the three touchstone phrases I came up with last fall, I’m going to slow down, deeply connect, and dance. I’m hoping this will also address my physical symptoms, and allow my body some time to heal.
Creative projects
During April I published daily on the themes of home and renewal.
Books that have stayed with me
Right at the beginning of the month I read Jerrold Mundis' Break Writer’s Block Now! I didn’t have writer’s block, but the ebook was very inexpensive, and I was interested in reading what an experienced writer and writing coach had to say about the work of writing. I loved the book, and even wrote a review of it on Amazon.com. One of my biggest take-aways was how to set up a workable writing schedule for my own situation. Highly recommended.
April playlist
I downloaded Luciana Souza's The New Bossa Nova at the end of March, and listened to it exclusively throughout April. Love. Love. Love. So mellow, so subtle, so deceptively simple. For a flavour of the music, check out this promotional video for the album, below.
Movies that have stayed with me
Netflix is my guilty pleasure, and most of the time I watch lightweight or highly commercial Hollywood fare. Every now and then I watch some more serious stuff, though, and in April this included the French film Coco Before Chanel. I really enjoyed it, mostly for the peek into what life was like for single women during an earlier period in history.
Videos that have stayed with me
I first heard about Cain’s Arcade on Facebook, when friends started posting it in April. I didn’t watch it myself, though, until I read this blog post by Seth Godin. Nirvan Mullick’s short film about a boy’s homemade arcade is really heartwarming, full of lessons for all of us.
Finally, I watched a bunch of music videos during April that have really stuck with me. The first is the official video for Paul McCartney’s My Valentine, featuring Natalie Portman and Johnny Depp.
Next are a couple of videos of Eric Whitacre's music. The first is an interview with his wife, Hila Plitmann, about her experience of recording Whitacre’s luscious setting of the children’s book Goodnight Moon.
The other Whitacre video is a recording of Hila singing his arrangement of the 80s pop hit, Voices Carry. This one gives me goosebumps every time I listen to it – it’s so exquisite.
And finally, I came across a bunch of Gotye covers on an acquaintance’s Google+ stream. I love the original song (which has a really beautiful video), but I think I like these covers even better. The first is by Matthias Harris, who sings all the parts and instrumentals himself.
Next is Pentatonix, an a capella group. (This one is my favorite.)
Finally, I found this one by Walk Off the Earth late in the month. The concept (five musicians playing one guitar) has led to a whole bunch of parodies on YouTube, but I think it’s brilliant.
In January 2012, I started sitting down at the end of every month and reviewing my journey of the last 30-some days. I wanted to know if there were patterns of behavior that I could observe, and possibly change. I wanted to see how I had grown. I wanted to give some kind of meaning to the weaving of my days.
I’m sharing these monthly reviews on my biographical website so that people who are curious about me, and may be searching for information on me, can get a sense of what I value, and how I spend my time.
Note: This blog post is filled with many hyperlinks, including links to products such as books on Amazon.com. None of the links are affiliate links, so if you feel like buying anything I recommend, you can trust that I won’t make any money from the sale. I’m recommending them because I’ve truly enjoyed or gotten a lot of value from them.
Theme for the month
Discomfort. And my reactions to discomfort.
What was alive in me?
If I were to imagine 2012 as a marathon, I got off to a really great start in January and February. In March, however, I hit the wall – both physically and mentally.
I haven’t talked about it much online, but I’m often challenged by chronic pain from migraines and endometriosis. When the pain is bad, I get cranky and distressed. When I get cranky and distressed, I start searching for ways to distract myself from the pain. Ways like burying myself in work, or surfing mindlessly online for hours.
March was a really bad month for discomfort and pain. It disrupted my sleep, and I quickly abandoned my daily yoga and meditation practices in order to sleep in every morning. I also stopped walking to work. I was writing every night when I got home from my day job, trying to build content on my blogs, which left me exhausted and even crankier.
A side effect of my physical discomfort was that I started feeling really discouraged and disheartened about my ability to keep up with my creative work. This came out in a few stories that I posted to Cowbird.com – here, here and here.
The gift of the pain, if you want to look at it that way, was it forced me to become more aware of those moments when I slip into compulsive behavior – especially my mindless surfing.
As the month draws to a close, I’m feeling much better physically. I’m still struggling to remain conscious when the impulse to go online comes over me, though.
March experiments
Because of my increased pain, quite early in the month I abandoned my intention to do without electronics in the middle of the night. I’m not sure if I’m going to try again in April; I’m more concerned with taking basic care of my body, including adding daily movement and meditation back into my life.
Next steps…
My saving grace this past month has been my connection to what I understand to be my deep inner knowing. I feel very blessed to have some practical tools and processes that help me discern when I’m spinning out of control mentally and emotionally, and keep me grounded. One of my favorite tools is the Alexander Technique. When things get really crazy, my Alexander work allows me to start over, and renew my connection. I’m going to be focusing a lot more on body work and other grounding, self-care practices in April.
Creative projects
Despite all the internal drama of the past month, one thing I’m really proud of is my continued contribution to Cowbird.com, and all the content I’ve created for my newest blog, Kitchen Sink Wisdom. I’m ready to launch the latter to the world, and I hope readers will find within its pages an online haven and sanctuary.
Books that have stayed with me
I’ve read or begun several books this month, and they’ve all touched me very deeply.
My Best Stories by Alice Munro
I bought this book in December to take on vacation with me, but in the end I left it at home in favour of a couple of other books. Early this month I read the forward (by Margaret Atwood) and the first story in the collection. Munro’s work has a poweful effect on me, because I grew up in the world she describes – Southwestern Ontario. The characters and situations are as familiar to me as the walls of my home, and the people I interact with every day.
Linchpin: Are You Indispensible? by Seth Godin
I’ve read a few of Godin’s books in the last few years, and this one was at the top of my “to buy” list. It actually fits quite well with Kawasaki’s Enchantment book.
Stop Stealing Dreams by Seth Godin
Godin’s marketing blog is part of my everyday reading, and when he released this education manifesto, I downloaded and devoured it immediately.
The Beauty of Different by Karen Walrond
Finally, I found out near the end of the month that this book (which I’ve wanted for months) was finally available in a Kindle edition. I’m half-way through it, and loving Walrond’s interviews with ordinary people who have discovered how to live authentic, beautifully different lives.
In addition to Enchantment, Katya Andreson also turned me on to this post by Peter Bregman, who suggests two lists you should look at every morning.
Even though I don’t have children of my own, I’ve spent a lot of time helping rear them – first as a nanny, and now as an aunt to my precious niece and nephew. I’m fascinated by “alternative” parenting methods, and I love these two articles by Laura Grace Weldon: 1000 Ways to Play with a Cardboard Box, and The Boy with No Toys.
March playlist
Herbie Hancock’s River: The Joni Letters continues to be my favorite go-to album for after-work relaxing. In addition, I’ve started listening to Gregory Porter’s Water, which I bought several months ago, but never burned to disc until recently. A favorite song is below.
My newest purchase is Luciana Souza’s The New Bossa Nova, which I just started listening to. She’s one of the featured artists on Hancock’s River album, and whenever her track came on, it always made me think of another favorite singer of mine, Denise Pelley, because their voices are so similar. Anyhow, I have high hopes for this album, since I love Latin music.
In fact, once the weather gets warmer again, I’ll probably bring out another Latin favorite, Eliana Cuevas. Her albums were in constant rotation on my iPhone during my walks to work last summer. Here’s a video clip of a live performance of one my favorite songs.
Vidoes that have stayed with me
I came across this trailer for a documentary about chemically processed film vs digital filmmaking during one of my late-night browsing sessions this month. I would love to see this film, although I’m not sure when it’s going to be released. It seems like it was screened at Berlinale 2012 in February, and I really enjoyed this post-screening talk with Keanu Reeves and director Chris Keneally.
I saw the next trailer after it was posted by a Facebook friend, and again – another documentary I would love to see sometime. Just watching the trailer is so inspiring for me.
Another Facebook find was this tutorial on improvising a fugue. (I have a lot of classical music peeps on my Facebook friend list.) It’s really esoteric, but fascinating if you’ve ever wondered how composers make a musical round sound good.
And last but not least, this may be totally cheesey, but I’m addicted to watching auditions for competition shows like So You Think You Can Dance and X Factor. This recent audition for the 2012 version of Britain’s Got Talent is really heartrending for me, because it’s obvious that, for now, this amazing kid really needs the strength and support of his singing partner. A friend of mine posted it on Facebook, suggesting we go thank the person who gives us the strength to sing. For me, that would be my favorite duet partner – my dad.
In January 2012, I started sitting down at the end of every month and reviewing my journey of the last 30-some days. I wanted to know if there were patterns of behavior that I could observe, and possibly change. I wanted to see how I had grown. I wanted to give some kind of meaning to the weaving of my days.
I’m sharing these monthly reviews on my biographical website so that people who are curious about me, and may be searching for information on me, can get a sense of what I value, and how I spend my time.
Note: This blog post is filled with many hyperlinks, including links to products such as books on Amazon.com. None of the links are affiliate links, so if you feel like buying anything I recommend, you can trust that I won’t make any money from the sale. I’m recommending them because I’ve truly enjoyed or gotten a lot of value from them.
What was alive in me?
I was a crazy creator this month, consumed by my creative work: Publishing daily to Cowbird (screenshot above) and Mirificationis, going through my personal photo archives to create new photo albums on Google+, and developing my latest blog.
I had a huge personal breakthrough after publishing a few blog posts about some early childhood experiences (here and here). I started taking more responsibility for how I was thinking and feeling, and I can already see how it’s improved my personal and work relationships.
I really struggled with anxiety about sharing my online work, though. I worried what people might think of me, and about pushing too hard to reach more people. By the end of the month I decided to refocus my energy on the creation of the work itself, and let the other stuff take care of itself for a while.
Physically, February was fantastic. My endometriosis symptoms were much less intrusive than usual, and I was full of energy. I think my recent diet changes (eliminating dairy and grains, eating lots of daily greens and veggies, and using selected supplements) have made a huge difference. I also think that reconnecting with my creative life has helped, too.
February experiments
I played with a bunch of new habits in February, including reinstigating a regular daily wake-up time, and adding daily publishing, daily meditation, and daily movement to my life. The lessons I learned from reading The Flinch are staying with me, and giving me the consciousness I need to make lasting changes in my life.
During one of my favorite weeks this month, I experimented with doing my daily yoga and meditation in my bedroom. It made the cats crazy, but I enjoyed the change in routine. It’s hard to keep up good yoga form on a mattress, and it really rejuvenated my yoga practice – the poses felt brand new, and fresh. When the week was finished I went back to doing yoga and meditation in my kitchen, but with a renewed sense of purpose.
One of my failed experiments came after reading this blog post by Julien Smith. Smith suggested doing the hardest thing on your to-do list first thing every morning, by getting up an hour earlier than normal. I already get up at 5:00-ish a.m., so that wasn’t too appealing, but I decided to try switching out yoga and writing (I normally write in the evenings after work). Yeah, not so successful. Didn’t get much writing done (I’m too scattered to come up with anything coherent first thing in the morning), and also didn’t do yoga or meditation in the evenings as planned. Major fail.
Not an experiment, exactly, but I spent a lot of time observing my use of technology and tools like email and social media this month, which will lead to some new experiments in March.
I’m moving on from…
One of my biggest realizations in February was how much time I spend absorbing and reacting to other people’s work. I love being informed, inspired, and entertained, but after watching talks by Trey Ratcliff and Eckhart Tolle (see Videos that have stayed with me, below), I realized my balance between intake and output was way out of whack.
I continued to weed my Google Reader throughout the month, and in the last few days I’ve eliminated most of my email subscriptions, so that I can really limit the amount of online material I consume every day.
I’m also thinking hard about how I use social media like Google+ and Facebook, and whether I want to make any changes such as limiting my interface time, or deleting accounts altogether.
I also spent a lot of time in February reorganizing my computer files (I’m seriously running out of hard drive space!), and purging some extraneous stuff from my life. This process will be ongoing in March. I know from experience that there’s a lot of freedom to be gained from leaving behind things that no longer nourish my life.
Next steps…
Inspired by some videos I watched this month (see below), I’m going to be experimenting with techniques that will help me be more in the present moment. I also have some experiments planned for starting new habits, especially a daily appreciation exercise, a few daily visualization exercises, and daily chanting (something I used to do, but which fell by the wayside a while back).
I’m also going to (gulp! I almost hesitate to write this!) see if I can go for a whole month without using electronics in the middle of the night (from bedtime until 5:00 a.m., when I normally wake up naturally). This will be a HUGE change for me, since I have been a compulsive BlackBerry-and-now-iPhone-checker-in-the-middle-of-the-night since 2008.
I’m really hoping this will help me with my occasional insomnia, though, since the flashing screens of electronics are supposed to excite your neurons and be counterproductive to restful sleep.
I’ve also got some experiments up my sleeve to help me stop living my life in order to impress other people, and focus more on my own inner knowing to direct my activities.
Books that have stayed with me
I read far fewer books in February, spending most of my free time on my creative work, but I have several e-books waiting for me in my Kindle app, and I have managed to get most of the way through How Your Mind Can Heal Your Body. I haven’t talked much about it publicly, but I’m still dealing with an ill loved one. I’ve downloaded a bunch of health and healing books, and this is my favorite so far. I’m using ideas from it to create some daily worksheets to help my loved one with his mood and mental outlook.
Other discoveries that have stayed with me
I love this post by simplicity author Leo Babauta, on the power of being able to walk away (from a negotiation, from a job that doesn’t serve you, or a relationship that has outlasted itself). So true.
I regularly read Mark Sisson’s primal living blog, Mark’s Daily Apple, which may seem a little anachronistic, since I’m vegan. But aside from the whole animal-eating part, I love the wisdom behind primal living.
This recent post about making things with your hands has really captured my fancy. Loved the post, but loved the comments even more, including this quote by Kurt Vonnegut:
“The arts are not a way of making a living. They are a very human way of making life more bearable. Practicing an art, no matter how well or badly, is a way to make your soul grow, for heaven’s sake. Sing in the shower. Dance to the radio. Tell stories. Write a poem to a friend, even a lousy poem. Do it as well as you possibly can. You will get an enormous reward. You will have created something.” (from A Man Without a Country)
From Mark’s Daily Apple I’ve also bookmarked this chermoula dressing recipe, which I’m going to try soon.
I don’t know what rock I’ve been hiding under, but I only just learned about Google Talks this month. Fun browsing. (Watched Wynton Marsalis talk about jazz this past weekend.)
February playlist
February seemed to be a month for listening deeply and repetitively to a few, select albums. I’m still enamoured with Herbie Hancock’s River, and listen to it most evenings when I’m making my dinner. My favorite is the title song, with Corinne Bailey Rae:
Sting’s Songs from the Labyrinth is my new favorite morning music, though. I was a diehard Sting fan in my 20s, and only recently came back to his music when I bought If On a Winter’s Night in the fall of 2010. Elizabethan lute songs have long been my favorite genre of music, so I’m not sure why I never bought the Labyrinth album before now, but anyhow. Loving it. Favorite? Have you see the bright lily grow. Moves me to tears every time:
Favorite apps of the month
Aside from email, Camera+ is by far the most-used app on my iPhone. Enough said.
This month I’ve still been making huge use of the built-in Voice memos app, this time to record the narrations to my Cowbird posts. I make the recording, email it to myself, and convert the .m4a file to an .mp3 file in iTunes before uploading it to Cowbird (which only accepts MP3 files).
Movies that have stayed with me
My Netflix account has been pretty inactive this month, but I’ve watched a few movies, mostly repeats of favorite films. New to me, however, was In the Cut (trailer below), a 2003 thriller starring Meg Ryan.
While I used to really love thrillers, I don’t watch many of them anymore – I have developed an aversion to violence and bloodshed. I was transfixed (and not always in a good way) by this Jane Campion film, though – it deals with some issues that I found compelling and disturbing. Really want to read the original book by Susanna Moore now (although it’s not available in Kindle format, bummer).
I watched The Secret Life of Words for the second time this month, with a friend. I love, love, love this film. Great acting by Tim Robbins and Canadian Sarah Polley, very atmospheric, very subtle, very heartrending.
Vidoes that have stayed with me
I came across this TED Talk by happiness scientist Shawn Anchor on Karen Walrond’s blog, Chookooloonks. Have since shared it with family and friends. I think it’s a must-see. Plus it’s really funny. It will make your day. Seriously.
I’ve become an avid follower of Trey Ratcliff’s Google+ stream. Ratcliff is a photographer well-known for his HDR work, and his photos are breathtaking.
What I really love about him is his work/life philosopy, however. This comes through in his September 2011 Google Talk. After watching the video, I felt a lot better about following my own path, creatively, and continuing to do my own work, in my own way.
Finally, I finished off the month with another Google Talk, this time by Eckhart Tolle. While I’ve read his books in the past, I never really connected with the material until now. This video is having a huge impact on the way I spend my time every day.
In January 2012, I started sitting down at the end of every month and reviewing my journey of the last 30-some days. I wanted to know if there were patterns of behavior that I could observe, and possibly change. I wanted to see how I had grown. I wanted to give some kind of meaning to the weaving of my days.
I’m sharing these monthly reviews on my biographical website so that people who are curious about me, and may be searching for information on me, can get a sense of what I value, and how I spend my time.
Note: This blog post is filled with many hyperlinks, including links to products such as books on Amazon.com. None of the links are affiliate links, so if you feel like buying anything I recommend, you can trust that I won’t make any money from the sale. I’m recommending them because I’ve truly enjoyed or gotten a lot of value from them.
What was alive in me?
I needed rest. I spent the last couple of months worrying about – and caring for – an ill loved one. I wanted real nourishment – both for my body and for my soul. I was excited about tapping into my creativity after several months of disconnect, but I also wanted a clearer sense of purpose about why I was doing the work.
How did I meet my needs?
I took a (semi-)digital sabbatical for the month of January, inspired by Ev Bogue and Gwen Bell – especially Gwen’s e-book, Digital Warriorship. I was on vacation for the first week of the month, and for the following three weeks I avoided visiting social media, did very little blogging on my existing sites, and edited my Google Reader so that only my most favorite authors were in my field of attention.
My food choices entering the New Year were pretty good – vegan whole (and mostly raw) foods, no grains, no legumes. While in Jamaica, I feasted on heaping platefuls of vegetables in greater variety than I was used to cooking for myself at home. Since returning to Canada I’ve been making steamed greens daily, as well as a number of different vegetable stews and soups with novel combinations of vegetables.
I took one of my art journals and a bunch of crayons and crayon cupcakes to Jamaica with me, hoping that I would be inspired to start drawing again. Both the kids and I made tons of drawings, including this, this, this, and this one.
When I got home from my trip I was really inspired to keep working on creative projects, so I (re-)started some behind-the-scenes chores on two new websites I’m developing – including this one, come to think of it! Out of the blue one day, I got the idea for a third website – a blog of daily creative prompts. At first I didn’t want to bite – I knew how much work it was going to be – but the idea wouldn’t go away, and soon I became consumed with getting the site ready to launch at the beginning of February.
Then one day on my way to my day job, I realized the purpose behind all of my creative work. I’m not ready to share it here, but it was the last piece of the puzzle that I needed, to feel a sense of meaning about my life.
(While I’m talking about my creative life, I’ll share this new Tumblr blog I also started in January. It’s a little side project related to one of the bigger websites I’m developing, and I’m not quite sure where it’s going, but it seemed like something I wanted to explore: Photos of my kitchen sink, day by day.)
Books that have stayed with me
January was a powerhouse month for reading, starting with the books I took on vacation. When I got home, I also discovered that there was a Kindle app for iPhone, which led to my downloading and reading several e-books. This is a list of all the books (electronic and paper) that have stayed with me.
Just One Thing by Rick Hanson
I bought this book in early December, thinking it might be nice to take on my trip with me. In the end I left it at home, but have been using throughout January, and will continue to work with it throughout the year. Its subtitle is Developing a Buddha Brain One Simple Practice at a Time, and it’s broken down into 52 parts, so it’s perfect for a yearly practice.
Digital Warriorship by Gwen Bell
I re-read this e-book as a PDF on my iPhone while I was in Jamaica. It helped remind me why I was doing the digital sabbatical, and helped me clarify my intentions for my digital life.
What We Say Matters by Judith and Ike Lasater.
I bought this book about Nonviolent Communication right before I went away, and finished it during my trip. I’ve since read it a second time. This book has really opened my eyes to the ways I have been communicating ineffectively, and has given me a whole new vocabulary to work with, as well as some tools for improving communications with my friends, family and colleagues.
The Flinch by Julien Smith
I don’t remember where I heard about this short (and free!) e-book, but I downloaded it to my Kindle app and whizzed through it very quickly. Then started taking cold showers every day. (Read this review on my personal blog to find out why.) I predict that this is going to be the most important book I read in 2012.
The War of Art and Do the Work by Steven Pressfield
And these are going to be the second and third most important books I read this year. Pressfield’s books on creative “resistance” dovetail neatly with Smith’s description of “the flinch,” and I’ve applied lessons from all three to my own creative work. This website would never have been made without them.
Hypnotic Writing by Joe Vitale
One of my intentions for 2012 is to become an even better written communicator. I have worked professionally as a writer since 1996, but I’ve always relied on my guts to create a good story. I’m finally willing to admit that maybe I can be taught something about writing, and I figured Vitale’s work was a good place to start. Using his methods, along with the information I’ve learned about people’s needs from the Nonviolent Communication book, has already helped me when writing media releases and newsletters for my day job.
I am Spock by Leonard Nimoy
I wrote a blog post about my love of this autobiography here on my personal blog. I’m hoping to renew this library book before it’s due on Friday, so that I can hopefully read it again before I return it.
Online discoveries that have stayed with me Gwen Bell, (who writes a free daily letter that I get a lot of value from), had a paid offering in January called Discover Your Needs. It fit perfectly with What We Say Matters, since it dealt with Gwen’s personal experiences using Nonviolent Communication.
Broccoli cooked forever sounds disgusting, but is supposed to be really delicious. I haven’t made the recipe, but I’ve used its principles (long, slow cooking of vegetables) in some of the other meals I’ve made this month.
Quilts by Comma Workshop is an artisan quilt making company that I found via Simple Life Afloat. I find these quilts so inspiring, and they give me so many ideas about how I’d like to work words into my own quilts.
January playlist
When I picked up I Am Spock at the library earlier in the month, I also signed out some CDs that I’d never heard before, in order to try out some new music. I’m loving these two, which have had constant rotation in my stereos (and which I’ve since purchased on iTunes).
Herbie Hancock’s River: The Joni Letters features covers of 12 Joni Mitchell songs (and an appearance by the great Canadian singer-songwriter herself). I’m a huge Hancock fan, and I love hearing these classics revisioned through his style.
I’m also a big Pat Metheny fan, and really loved this 2011 release, What It’s All About – also a cover album, this time of 60′s pop tunes. Very mellow – in many ways like One Quiet Night, another of my favorites.
Favorite apps of the month
I’ve already mentioned Kindle for iPhone. I’ve also been playing around a lot this month with Instagram, which I’d never really explored before, preferring Hipstamatic or Camera+. Most of the photos in this album were processed with Instagram. I’ve also been using iPhone’s Voice Memos app to make guided meditations for a loved one this month.
Movies that have stayed with me
I worked my way through all the Star Trek movies over the holidays. My favorite was one of the ones directed by Leonard Nimoy, although I also enjoyed the most recent “prequel.” I wrote about my love of the character Spock on my personal blog.
Videos that have stayed with me
I have been watching this video of Deborah Kerr and Gregory Peck from Beloved Infidel over and over again all month. I’m a huge fan of Kerr’s, and love her expressive use of gestures and glances. In this particular scene she uses her hands, eyes and breathing to speak volumes about Peck’s effect on her.
And finally, this homage to Ferris Bueller’s Day Off is classic, although probably only truly appreciated by Gen X’ers who grew up with the original. Enjoy.
